Ok, So today I went to the doctors just a regular visit. I go to the perinatologists friday. So.... He was trying to find the heartbeat, heard it, but couldnt get a good reading.. so he sent me for a ultrasound.. UGH I didnt want one until friday ( not that I dont want to see the baby, just wasnt prepared for anything till then and I am 11 weeks and anen can be detected then..) So I start crying we go into the room (me and my ma) I couldnt look at first I was so very nervous. Then I did and I saw the baby saw eyes, nose, hands, legs, thumping 164bpm.. I kept asking about the head and explaind why.. the tech seems to think it looks good, she showed us a couple views and I am no doctor but I think it looks good ( to affraid to get really excited).. The top was all white, and with Gracie you couldnt see that.. BUT the when I talked to the doctor after that he told me its still to early to tell.. nothing like raining on my parade.. I was and am more nervous now then ever.. I so despartely want everything to be good this time..

I dont think the Tech would keep saying she say the head if she didnt.. Right?? My mom even asked if it looked complete and she said yes there it is and looked at the top.. OH good god.. I am stressing out. Dont ya think if she really couldnt tell she would have said "its still to early for me to tell" ..

Thanks for listening noone seems to understand why I am driving myself crazy about this all. I JUST WAN TO KNOW!!

Stacie

Stacie,
BREATH and ENJOY your pregnancy, What ever happens it is out of your hands ok. God only gives us what we can handle and I think he is going to give you a beautiful baby. I know it is difficult and the next time it will be also because you never forget, but DON"T short change yourself this pregnancy. ok
Also I am in the medical field and the Tech isnt allowed to say any thing about what he or she see's so if she said that much then I would just stay positive. Did she do measurements??
Usually you can tell by the placing of the x's when they are measuring.
But again stop freaking out and just enjoy every minute of this wonderful experience and that is coming from someone who has been in your shoes and has had three healthy children after my beautiful son Eddie. OK
Hugs your way
Kathleen
mom to Edward R Maranda
12-13-84

Thanks Kathleen..
She actually did do measurements and said it looked good. I guess Im just affraid to let myself get excitied because god forbid. It likes a wall I have up to brace myself for the worst.. But it good to know other moms that have gone onto have healthy children after a loss to anen. Another support group I belong to there are a few moms that have had more then 1 anen baby.. I feel real good about tomorrow, I think its going to help me get more excited and start preparing.. I will let you know how it all goes.
Stacie

You are more than welcome. I wil keep you in my prayers tonight )
Kathleen

Hi hun,

I know that feeling of thinking you will be like that (now that I have had a healthy baby after anen I know) small group of mums that have had more than 1 anencephalic baby.

When I fell pregnant with jasmyn I sounded just like you.

I even had the healthy diagnonsis at 20 weeks and I still TROWLED the internet to try and prove to myself that there would be something wrong with jasmyn also.

I started to think that it wasnt possible for me to have another healthy baby.

Let me tell you now hun, as hard as it is- you need to fill your thoughts with happy ones. It will create a better environment for the baby you are carrying now, and it will help release some stress.

You need to start believing that you are carrying a healthy baby.

As I keep saying (and I know you guys are probably sick of hearing it) but positivity breeds positivity.

Breathe through each day... and when you hold that healthy baby in your arms, you will look back and wish you could have enjoyed your pregnancy more. I know I do.

I now wont go back to have anymore babies, because the stress I put myself through during Jasmyns pregnancy was exhausting.

Thinking of you always

xx

Well, Good news.. No anencephaly.. AWW.. what a relief..

We saw the babies skull, and front brain.. Everything that is suppose to be there at this time is.. I go back in 4weeks for the AFP test, and then in 8weeks for the normal scan at 20weeks. She said that they wont be able to rule out all NTDs until then.. I didnt get the tests for downs or tristomy because I think there are alot of false-postives and I dont need that added stress.. At 20weeks all that will be looked for..
I cant even begin to tell you how relieved I am.. I truely thought that It just would never happen for me.. I wish a yr ago I would have known about he folic acid and took it before my pregnancy with Gracie.. And in the same breath if that didnt happen to her I wouldnt be having this baby.. I love, miss and think about my little girl always and she tought me many many things in life.. One thing I know for sure is she will always be with me..
Thanks for all your support..
I would not have been able to get this far if I didnt have you guys to help me through it.. <3Stacie

Glad we could help hunni..

I look at Jasmyn the same way... as shit as it sounds, if Savannah hadnt of passed, I would have still been pregnant with savannah when I actually fell pregnant with Jasmyn, so... the same as you my baby girl Jassy wouldnt be here.

Trust me though, if it had of been the way it should have been, I would have loved all my kids to be here with me.


I am so glad this site is helping... thats what I intended it to be

Please, if any of you have been in contact with other mums who have gone through the same thing, I would love for them to join so we can make this circle of support much bigger....


xx

Hi everyone,
Sorry I havent been on in a while my dog chewed a piece of the computer so had to get it fixed.. But I wanted to keep you all updated and baby is doing very well.. We saw his (its a boy) brain and skull.. All is developing very well.. Development is actually ahead of schedule ( folic acid ).. So very very relieved. I go back in 2 more weeks to check for all other NTDS but the prediagnosis looks great!!
I find myself getting very sad .. I never got to feel this happiness with Gracie.. I went and bought one outfit and cant seem to find the energy to go and buy other things, in a weird way it just dont feel right yet.. I wish I had the chance to feel all this joy with her.. I am very grateful to be carrying a healthly baby and I cant wait to meet him!!

To all the new moms, this is really a struggle and I think it will stay with us forever.. These where our babies, they were our future that we had to let go.. I will pray for you all.. Stay strong and know that we are all here for one another .. If I couldnt talk to others that understood me I probably would have lost my mind.. Losing a baby to anen is so confusing and not many people understand where we are coming from..

Stacie