Hi my name is Brandee Varnes and I am from Winona, Ms.
My husband and I had been trying for a few months to get pregnant again and we had to go back and get fertility medicine this time just as we did with our first child Kaylah Brooke. The day I found out that we had concieved just made me so happy. I was quick to tell my husband and my two year old and they were happy also. I started talking about what we could mane the baby and how we would decorate the room. I went to evey doctors appointment like I was supposed to and did everything I was supposed to. They gave me a due date of October 30, 2008 that was five days after my little girls birthday. Kaylah Brooke wanted a brother and she told everybody we was having a boy, although we didnt know, she was so excited about starting to buy things for this baby. We scheduled an appointment to do an ultrasound on July 16,2008 when I was 24 weeks into pregnancy. It was on a Wednesday. Me, my husband Jamie, and my daughter Kaylah Brooke all loaded up in our truck and we were all so excited we debated on the way to the doctor what we were having. We arrived at the sonogram and they put me back immediatly. The sonogramer looked for over an hour and tried to find everything she could but nothing was there. My husband and little girl was in the waiting room this whole time. The lady left the room to go get a doctor to confirm what she had seen and when he confirmed it they told me my baby had anencephaly. I automatically started to cry. They sent me straight over to see my doctor at her clinic. My doctor set me an appointment up with the specialist in Jackson, MS where he also confirmed this sickness. He gave me a piece of paper with different clinics on it that would terminate pregnancy. U see nobody in the state of MS will deliver a child with anencephaly, they dont give you the option to carry a child with this to full term. My husband and I were devastated because we dont believe in termination, but what choice did they give us. That Friday which was July 18,2008 we left MS going to Atlanta GA to have our procedure done. It was a two day procedure . I was devastated to find that so many people have abortions, but in my head and in my heart I knew I didnt have a choice. We returned home from GA on July 19 2008 and I still feel the same today as I did when I returned.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about what I did. I know people think that I killed my baby and some days I look at it like that and I just remember tha t I didnt have a choice and that I did what I had to do. I mean who was going to deliver the baby I sure couldnt. It has now been two months since this happened and I think It hurts more now than ever as my due date approaches. I have to say to all the mothers who have had this with there child hold your head up high. Im glad some of you had the chance to have your child I would give anything to turn back the hands of time and wish that the doctors here in MS would give you the choice to carry a child with anencephaly. |
